LGBTQ+ identity, sexuality and belonging

What is LGBTQ+ affirming psychotherapy?

Not every LGBTQ+ person wants to talk about their identity in therapy, and not every difficulty you experience is connected to being LGBTQ+. But many people want a therapist who already understands the realities of coming out, identity, belonging, relationships, discrimination and living in a world that is not always accepting or affirming.

You may be beginning to explore your sexual orientation or gender identity, considering whether to come out, or questioning which words, if any, feel right for you. You may already feel secure in your identity but want support with relationships, family dynamics, loneliness, discrimination or finding a stronger sense of belonging.

You will not need to spend your first sessions educating your therapist, correcting assumptions or wondering whether you will be fully accepted.

You may want to explore:

• uncertainty about your sexuality or gender;
• anxiety about coming out;
• fear of rejection, judgement or abandonment;
• difficult reactions from family or friends;
• religious, cultural or community conflict;
• pressure to hide or minimise parts of yourself;
• experiences of bullying, discrimination or exclusion;
• loneliness or difficulty finding belonging;
• relationships, intimacy, desire and boundaries;
• body image or discomfort with your appearance;
• shame connected to sexuality or gender;
• feeling caught between different identities or communities;
• hopes for your relationships and future.

Coming out, at your own pace

Coming out is not a single event. It can happen at different times, in different ways and with different people, and it is not something you are required to do before you feel ready.

For some people, coming out brings relief, freedom and a stronger sense of authenticity. For others, it may involve fear, grief, family conflict or practical concerns about safety, housing, work and community. Therapy can provide a confidential space to think through these questions without pressure to reach a particular decision.

We can explore whether you want to come out, who you may want to tell, what support you might need and how you could respond to different reactions. The work will be guided by your circumstances, needs and sense of readiness.

Shame, and the messages we absorb

You may carry shame that began long before you consciously understood your sexuality or gender. This can develop through silence, family attitudes, religious teaching, jokes, bullying or rarely seeing people like you represented positively. Even when you consciously disagree with these messages, they may continue to affect how you experience your body, relationships and sense of worth.

In therapy, we can explore where these messages came from and whether they still reflect what you believe, and begin to separate your identity from the fear, judgement or expectations that may have become attached to it.

You are a whole person

An affirming approach does not mean assuming that every difficulty in your life is caused by being LGBTQ+. Our conversations may involve sexuality, gender, coming out, intimacy or belonging. They may also involve anxiety, trauma, work, disability, grief, family or experiences with no direct connection to your LGBTQ+ identity.

Different parts of your identity may intersect in complex ways. Sexuality and gender may be experienced differently alongside disability, neurodiversity, culture, religion, family background or financial circumstances. We can explore these intersections without treating any one part of you as the complete explanation for who you are.

The aim is a therapeutic relationship in which you do not have to censor yourself, defend your identity or educate your therapist about your existence.